I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
