got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
