I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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