i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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