what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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