Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
