i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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