I feel like abortions should bother me more
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
