Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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