Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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