i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
