Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
