Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
