thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
