I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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