Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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