I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
