thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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