Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
