It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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