in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
