You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
