I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
