like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize