i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
