Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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