Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
