Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
