the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
