I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
