remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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