I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
