There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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