It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize