I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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