I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
