I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
