i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
