Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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