Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
