I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
where are my eyebrows?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
