Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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