I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
