And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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