I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
