I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
