I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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