Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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