They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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