You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I sprained my soul last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
