i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked a lego.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
