The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
