Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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