This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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