Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
