So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
