He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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