I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
