I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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