Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
