why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
