We won't sleep together?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like eating out sand paper
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
