is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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