Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
barbara walters just said penis...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
