dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
