are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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