I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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