census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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