they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize