i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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