So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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