i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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