That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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