Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
