Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
