Im at strip club and am horny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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