I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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