is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
