Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
