If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Of course I have a pirate flag
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
