Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
