even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
